Although my anxiety comes in many forms, social, agoraphobia, panic attacks… health anxiety has to be my worst.
If you’ve read my blog before or followed me on Facebook or Instagram you’ve probably seen me talk about this before.
Ever since I was a child I’ve been absolutely terrified of being ill. As soon as a classmate would mention they felt sick I would feel sick too. With every illness I would convince myself that I was going to die.
It only got worse as I got older and found google. Now I ban myself from searching things and I get my husband to read the side effect label on my medicines because otherwise I’ll give myself the symptoms!
I have been much better recently, since I began mindfulness and CBT I can look at the situation more rationally.
I had one scary moment since becoming a mum, a couple of weeks after giving birth I had a massive bleed. I rushed to hospital but it was all fine. But I got there in floods of tears and the midwife had to reassure me I wasn’t dying.
For days after that I was constantly on edge and had lots of panic attacks replaying it over.
I didn’t even contemplate what it would be like to have health anxiety and also be a mum. It never occurred to me that however scared I had been for myself it was about to get so much worse.
The panic attacks with every little spit up, every cry, every sniffle.
Luckily I’m receiving great help at the moment and it’s getting much better.
If you ever feel like this make sure you talk to someone.